Tuesday, July 28, 2009

HI!

This is just something I was thinking about the last little while. I thought it deserved a blog entry.

You were in a relationship and then you were dumped. Time to rebound.

The words rebound and relationship, when used together, have negative connotations. I picture a quick one-night stand with casual and maybe aggressively angry sex. Wikipedia, a very reputable, haha, source of information, says the following.

“Someone who is "on the rebound," or recently out of a serious dating relationship, is popularly believed to be psychologically incapable of making reasonable decisions regarding suitable partners due to emotional neediness, lingering feelings towards the old partner, or unresolved problems from the previous relationship. Rebound relationships are believed to be short-lived due to one partner's emotional instability and desire to distract themselves from a painful break up, and those emerging from serious relationships are often advised to avoid serious dating until their tumultuous emotions have calmed.”

Admittedly, there is some wisdom in the previous statement. Especially if you were totally in love with the person that dumped you. Just like a ball that is dropped, when you rebound, it is impossible to attain the height you were dropped from. The feelings you are having from being dumped prevent you from getting back up there, just like friction prevents the ball from getting back up to that height. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. Which is also incapable of reaching it’s original height without any form of propulsion. There are many different reasons why people get caught up in rebound relationships. They aren’t all going to be one-night stands or casual sexual encounters. People like feeling loved and connecting with one another. It’s hard feeling the rejection and feeling unwanted. Getting back into the game early on helps ease those unwanted and rejected feelings.

What if you are the one dumping somebody. Is it fair to say that your next relationship is going to be a rebound? Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t. If I was going to break up with someone, I would hope that the next person I was with, was at a higher level than the previous person. I’m not saying the next person would be better. I’m saying the next person would be better suited to me. The difference being that some people click and some don’t. I would need some extra momentum to get myself past the previous height. All further relationships should propell you higher until you get what it is you’ve always wanted or deserve. Check your bait, do you have what it takes to attract better? Do you feel that you deserve better?

What if you are hoping for this ideal person? You have a list of characteristics you want that person to have. Doesn’t that person deserve the same from you as what you are expecting from them? Let’s be totally honest with ourselves. What flaws do you think you have? Can you work on them? Are they impossible habits to break? Are they inate flaws due to genetics or are they learned behaviours that could be improved upon? Do you want to become a better person badly enough?

I think those questions are a good start to self-improvement. They can help you past the temptation of self-distructing rebounds. They may feel good at the time but they are more trouble than they are worth. Feelings eventually get hurt because we don’t live in a perfect world. Ask yourself this, are you rebounding to ease the loneliness, hurt, and painful suffering? Or are you going into a new relationship intending to try harder and be a better person. If you love somebody worthy, wouldn’t you want to continually strive to be a better person for them and for yourself?

My hope is that the other person will always be worth the effort.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Ah the elusiveness of Love

I'm sure you've heard many times before that Love finds you when you aren't looking. I thought that was rubbish! How can it have a chance to find you if you aren't open to the idea or looking for it?

I had decided I didn't need to concentrate on finding anyone. I would date when the opportunity came but I wouldn't look any longer. I was just content at where my life was at the moment. I had finally forgiven the father of my children. I heard EVERYTHING from him that I always wanted to hear. All I really wanted was an "I'm sorry." I wanted a heartfelt one. I wanted him to realize how I felt and realize that he was wrong. Once those conditions were met, I let go all the anger and hurt. It was like a big sigh of relief, literally. I was on the phone with him and I breathed deeply and just smiled. Something shifted inside of me. The world was once again a wonderful place to live in and I didn't hate anymore. I had my family, kids, and friends. I really didn't need more than that any longer. I wasn't NOT looking anymore but I was just going to live my life the way it was going and be happy.

I started deleting online profiles. I was tired of the types of people that would show interest. There wasn't a lot of genuine people out there. I will admit that I met a few but most of them were shallow and idiotic. I do have a lot of funny stories to tell though! Remind me to tell you about the former goth guy that liked pink and pain. I also have new theories on Penis Size and the direct correlation between that and sexual skill... uh I think we need to change the subject. Anyway, I deleted my online profiles! I decluttered my online life. Made new friends, got rid of some old ones, that kind of thing. I did most of my socializing online because my real life doesn't leave me much leeway to go out and meet people. I couldn't really think of an alternative besides going back to church and attending single's wards. No thank you. For instance, they wouldn't appreciate my theories on Penis size. Among other things. I'm not saying I'm a bad person. I don't lie, cheat, steal, drunkenly sleep with half the members of the college football team, or anything else too racey or dangerous.

I met someone. I wasn't out looking. I didn't meet them on the internet. Basically fate stepped in and I was just being myself. I felt he needed a friend and I started talking to him. WHAM!! No longer am I worried about the various types of love and not being able to tell if it's the correct one or not. I always wondered about it because I never felt IT! The BIG I T. IT! Anyway, enough sap. All is great and I now have a permanent cheesy grin to go with my ensemble. I guess I'm finally fully dressed... Not that I ever had problems smiling before. This one is just different.

Peace out.